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First Set: Ouroboros ---(1st. Revision)---

Started by Ouroboros , Mar 27 2014 11:56 AM
land ramp chromacolored

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#1
Ouroboros
Posted 27 March 2014 - 11:56 AM

Ouroboros

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So, started my first series today, Ouroboros. Always liked the concept of the Eldrazi so I thought I'd try to one up them.

 

Some cards may be imbalanced/simply just bad, but it's just so you get the general idea.

 

Been wanting to apply as a designer for Wizards for some time now, so please leave feedback or some shit like that!

 

 

 

----------------------------------------Protagonist----------------------------------------

 

 

Attached File  Benalish Militia.jpg   159.22KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Ardent Swordsman.jpg   170.25KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Irileth, Benalish Marshal.jpg   181.85KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Ænith, the Gatekeeper.jpg   180.83KB   0 downloads

 

 

----------------------------------------Antagonist----------------------------------------

 

 

Attached File  Crazed Follower.jpg   182.81KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Niasg, Prophet of the Anomaly.jpg   196.62KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Blot Out the Sun.jpg   167.04KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Io, the Foreboding.jpg   177.85KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Prism of Ouroboros.jpg   163.96KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Ouroboros.jpg   183.58KB   0 downloads

 

 

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

Now, I do realize that the land ramp may be too fast, but I am trying to add some downsides to it, so that you end up with maybe 5 life and no lands when you finally get your endgame out on the field. Anyways... Thought this was a cool idea.

 

 

 

 

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

1st. Revision

 

 

Started working on a third faction, red artifact combo. Tried to change the chromacolor end game a bit. Starting to take more shape as I add more cards in, although there are lots of rough edges still, especially with the chromacolored idea.

 

 

 

----------------------------------------White----------------------------------------

 

 

Attached File  Benalish Militia 1R.jpg   159.25KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Ardent Swordsman 1R.jpg   170.42KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Loxodon Volunteer 1R.jpg   168.98KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Irileth, Benalish Marshal 1R.jpg   181.18KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Ænith, the Gatekeeper 1R.jpg   180.52KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Mirih, Spirit of Benalia 1R.png   252.03KB   0 downloads

 

 

----------------------------------------Red/Artifact Aggro----------------------------------------

 

 

Attached File  Húskarl 1R.jpg   168.37KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Myr Captive 1R.png   286.07KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Metal-Infused Berserker 1R.jpg   190.97KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Captive Artificer 1R.png   280.91KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Hatur 1R.jpg   160.96KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Vogur, Voice of Fury 1R.jpg   199.31KB   0 downloads

 

 

----------------------------------------Chromacolored----------------------------------------

 

 

Attached File  Crazed Follower 1R.jpg   182.74KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Prophet of the Anomaly 1R.jpg   194.04KB   0 downloadsAttached File  The Serpents Domain 1R.jpg   189.65KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Dark Figment 1R.jpg   173.08KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Rih, the Mindbreaker 1R.jpg   179.67KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Null, the Serpents Creation 1R.jpg   212.21KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Io, the Foreboding 1R.jpg   173.73KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Blot Out the Sun 1R.jpg   165.86KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Prism of Ouroboros 1R.jpg   163.96KB   0 downloadsAttached File  Ouroboros 1r.jpg   185.26KB   0 downloads

 


#2
Guest_Exmortis_*
Posted 27 March 2014 - 12:48 PM

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I like the simple concept behind  determined, but its name is just unfitting. Maybe call it Skirmish, or something similar. Also you shouldn't forget to write the damage as number and dealing it it to target creatures and/or players. There's some smaller fixing necessary for Irileth, like its to low casting cost, and the fact that lifelink and double strike are kind of toxic together, but the only problematic human is that last one, whatever it's called.

Let's just call it MIGHTY DEVASTATOR, because that's what it is. Its NUTS. Totally. A 4/5 Flying lifelink for {5} would be the pure definition of value, but THIS?! It's like, so crazy, that it is already bvious, what to change. It should be far more expensive, deal less damage get rid of that hexproof AND get the Avatar-type, just for additional flavor (same goes for Irileth, which is definitely a human knight).

 

As for the other faction... well... uh?

It's like another person designed them. I'd not even be surprised, if you did these beforehand. They are... sloppy? Maybe that's not exactly the word I'm looking for.

That last one, that ultimate-super-snake-thing, is kind of uninspired. It also lacks flavor; All the other cards seem to build up to their super awesome leader, but this creature seems more like an unglued-parody of the Eldrazi.

Prism of Supersnake (Yup, that's what I call it from now on) is kind of strong, but why not just make it "Colored spells can be cast for their converted manacost + {3}" instead? And although it is strong, this casting cost is just ridiculous. Same goes for Blot Out The Sun; Why not just make it "All creatures have 'Sacrifice this creature: Add two mana of any color to your manapool' "? Also, you could make Niasg either a legendary creature or take its name. Wouldn't hurt I guess.

 

I like the first set, although it are just some early rough cards showing off the mechanic (There's so much more you can do with it! Show it to us, be creative with it!) but the second set is just very underwhelming, it is obvious what it was going for but... It just feels wrong. Less because of the Ramp-cards that you are worried about, than because of the cards they built up to.

Also, you DO realize that, once you have Io, you can just destroy ALL your opponents lands? I guess you were going for something like "Sacrifice a land: Add {2} to your manapool.".

 

So, now that the actual cards are out of the way:

I guess that small O stands for Ouroboros, and since these ARE very diverse illustrations, I also guess that these are not your illustrations, and furthermore recommend you to remove your O from there.

You might want to leave your own mark somewhere to remind everyone who created the mechanical concept of this card, but not there. 


#3
Ouroboros
Posted 27 March 2014 - 05:53 PM

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Yup, I know there are a lot of problems... Only been working on this since last night. Always been fascinated by these big and scary things and chromacolored stuff. Guess I'll go back to the drawing board and try to pump out something awesome! And I have to go over the wording a bit too...


#4
Lolilord
Posted 27 March 2014 - 06:10 PM

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A few syntax errors, such as irelith not having a valid creature type, and the enchantment which really should say mana of any color, but the main errors are:

 

1) Lack of ingenuity on the Antagonist side. I mean, as Exmortis said, these things have been printed before, just with less colors and a bit less powerful effects, maybe make it so that Ouroboros has some really good synergy with all the cards leading up to him, instead of just saying "now step back, and watch me win the game" to all his little buddies. 

 

2) Although she is very true to white, Irelith is just Really, really, really, overpowered. Nothing has been printed to even come close to this. For a 4-drop white creature, things are powerful, but not powerful enough to by default wipe out a bunch of goblins, gain 10 life, and deal up to 10 damage in a single combat.

 

But also, great job on designing the Determined ability, just maybe develop on it! (death touch maybe?)


#5
Ouroboros
Posted 27 March 2014 - 06:31 PM

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Probably going to change the end game on the antagonist side and work a little more on the destruction of lands... Kinda liked that idea... Anyways, working on something a little more cohesive!


#6
Lolilord
Posted 28 March 2014 - 11:44 AM

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Alright, comments on first revision. 

 

FIRST SET- PROTAGONIST: I like what you have done with irelith, and the new PW is really balanced, if not just a little bit powerfull with his second ability. But hey, this is a PW, they are made to be OP! also, on fearless, be sure to include either target creatures and/or players, or if you want it to make it past hexproof/shroud, use creatures and/or players of your choice.

 

SECOND SET-ARTIFACTS: I like the degrading thing, but it is just such an adaptation of the old keyword Fading X (This creature enters the battlefield with X fade counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a fade counter from it. If you can't, sacrifice it.), I don't know if you have seen that before, but it was printed in all colors. Also, some of these have already been printed, Huskarl has been printed at least 5 times now. 

 

THIRD SET- ANTAGONIST: Rih is to easy to make an infinite combo with. Maybe make him "when he dies return him to the battlefield with one more +1/+1 counter, then, if his power is 6, exile him." Serpents Domain is just to strong for a land, maybe more viable as a 4-drop artifact. with Ouroboros, you should just make him a one of each color drop and then you have to pay double his cost to keep him.  Null- Remind me again why I would take defender? or why I would take first strike when there is double strike? or any kind of landwalk when there is unblockalbe? also, this is just to thrown together, without enough actual theming put into it.

 

But once again good job! and since you seem to be really into this I highly recommend downloading MSE, its free, safe, easy to use, and awsome.

This is the original site MSE Happy creating my friend!


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